


OH BOY. ANOTHER DRUNK!JOHNKAT FIC. (AKA: KARKAT GETS HELLA ROOFIED)

by WritingAndMyLife



Category: Homestuck
Genre: First published fic, M/M, just a hella lot of clishe, not actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingAndMyLife/pseuds/WritingAndMyLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy throws a party, and some inevitable shenanigans occur<br/>(WARNING: MANY CLICHÉS TO ENSUE)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

==> Be Karkat

You are Karkat Vantas, and you are attending the most ridiculous human Earth “party” in the history of existence.

Or, at least, you _assume_ that it is the most ridiculous human Earth “party” in the history of existence, seeing as that you have never been to one. Back on Alternia, social gatherings were reserved strictly for highbloods.

When the kids had finally beat the game and created the new universe, they had to work out the living situations. They mostly split up into groups, with the Dirk, Dave, Rose and Roxy humans on the Alpha-Earth, Jade, Nepeta, Equius, Aradia, Tavros, Vriska, and Jane on LOFAF, Kanaya, Calliope, Terezi, Feferi, and Eridan on LOLAR (Rose uses it for what she calls a “vacation home” as well), which leaves you, John, Sollux, and Jake to live on LOWAS. Gamzee had apparently slunk off to live on LOHAC, which was pretty much uninhabitable with the lava and such. Fucking idiot.

Regardless, the Roxy-human had decided that everyone needed something to help everyone to “chill out”, and thus proceeded to throw this clusterfuck of a get-together.

What Roxy had failed to realize was that while she herself had stopped consuming those soporific human fluids, her pantry was still full of them, and with Vriska Fucking Serket in the hive, there was no way that it wouldn’t get broken into. So to sum it all up, about half of everyone here is completely intoxicated.

You contemplate over whether or not you should ask Kanaya to take you back to LOWAS, but she seems pretty caught up with talking to Rose.

Then, out of fucking nowhere, a completely delirious John hug-tackles you from behind.

“Get your bulgechaffing ass off of me, Egbert!”, you screech, desperately trying to claw your way out from the sack of potatoes that is John Egbert. Sure, he’s skinny, but you’re skinnier. And shorter, at that.

“Kaaaaaaaaaaarkat!”, John slurs, obviously drunk off his ass. Great, now you have to deal with him as well as Sollux, whom you had previously seen downing a shit-ton of shots.

“Karkat! Karkatty-cat-cat-cat..... Karkitty!” John ceaselessly babbled as you finally pull yourself up from underneath him.

“What?!”, you snap, pissed at the prospect of having to lug two idiots to a transportalizer.

John stares blankly up at you, then, breaking into a sloppy grin, replies with “Hi.”

At this point, you’re pretty much done with everything and everyone in this entire hive, so you march off to the refreshment table, muttering things along the lines of “god damn fucking human hive party with their god damn fucking human sopor-drink shit...”

Jane had baked a fine arrangement of snacks for the occasion, but by the time the LOHAC crew had arrived at the party, the Strilonde kids had already gotten into a food fight, leaving only a few hor d’oeuvres fit for eating.

Careful to avoid anything that looked like alcohol, you fill yourself a glass of punch and take the last remaining cupcake. Some asshole had ate most of the icing, but it wasn’t as if you were expecting any less here in this gigantic shithole. The strawberry filling is good, though.

You mill around the sidelines for a bit, trying to make conversation with the few attendees who weren’t hammered as fuck, retreating back to the snack table every few minutes to get a refill for your drink.

At around the third cup, you realize that the room was seeming to sway, and that the music sounded like it had gotten way louder. _“Fuck!”_ , you think to yourself. _“I should have known that some fuckass probably spiked the punch...”_

You go to throw away your cup, but it’s too late. Your vision is blurring, and you can’t make sense of where you’re going. You’re all turned-around, and the dizziness is keeping you from finding the wastebasket, even though you know it’s only a few steps away. Dazed, you stagger into none other than the clown of the part, John.

“Karkat! You’re back!”, the idiot beamed.

“We are leaving right FUCKING NOW” you hiss, struggling to stand straight and attempting to clear your head. _“Damn, what the hell was even in that punch?”_

“But I don’t wanna go!”

Great, now the idiot was pulling those big barkbeast eyes on you.

“Well, we don’t always, get what we want, now do we? Ugh, just, c’mon.... we have to find Sollux....” Your vision is clouding over. Crap.

You stagger over to where Sollux was talking to Aradia. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem too bad. Then again, he probably had twice the resistance to alcohol or some other two-themed bullshit.

“Holy shit, KK. Are you alright?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “You look like you’ve been trampled by a hoof beatht or thomthing.”

“I’m fine,” you snarl (or, at least, attempt to snarl, seeing as your speech has merely become a series of slurred mutters). “We’re... going back to LOWAS.... right now....”

Your eyelids feel heavy, and you can hear your heart beat louder than you could during the face-off with Lord English. You can still hear Egbert whining “Jeez Karkat, what a party pooper...” before you crumple to the floor.

Boom. Out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short, but I think it's alright
> 
> The "John and Karkat get wasted at a party cliché" at it's finest  
> so many clichés  
> so many
> 
> This is my first fic that i've ever published, and chapter two should be coming out soon (there will probably be nsfw if i make a third one, but that's unlikely)
> 
> **EDIT: I've decided that there's going to be a super short segway chapter in between, so if there's is gonna be a nsfw chapter it'll be 4**
> 
> COMMENTS AND CRITIQUES WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!!


	2. 2ollux ii2 the 2egway ma2ter

Bee Sollux==>

Looking down at your friend’s unconscious body, you sigh.  
“Thorry AA, lookth like I’ll have to take thith”, you say, lifting your incapacitated friend off of the floor. “Can you tell Kan that we’re leaving?”  
Aradia nods and goes off to find Kanaya, and you begin your search for your other other planetmate. He couldn’t have gotten too far, with how drunk he was when you last saw him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tadaaa! super sexy segway chapter  
> i was planning to make this a long chapter, but in the end i didn't find it necessary (besides, i want the next chapter to remain a bit vague in the beginning >;])


End file.
